A general update of sorts
I just finished a very very horrible Pols102 test. I am so very glad that it is over. I only have one exam left and it’s on the 21st. I have some space to breath now. Goodie.
Also, Mattias gets back in Chur Chur tonite. That’s awesome like herpes cream.
In celebration of such an event, I decided to write something nice and lovely (I’m writing this on the fly so it’s probably bad but it has the word “penis” in it):
As I reached to the back seat of my 1981 Pontiac Firebird to get my smokes, I noticed the ever familiar stench of the vile Reg Franklin waft into my air conditioning unit. That fucker stinks so bad that it gets inside my car. The fuck’s up with that? Anyway, I reluctantly slid out of my off-beige-almost-brown-nigh-exotic sports car and approached Reggie, who was poised in the middle of the road with what appeared to be a human testicle in each hand and a recently castrated penis in his mouth.
“Peter, my friend!”, the former private eye muffled through his penis filled mouth, “I have something for you!” His eyes gazed at me intently through a shit tangled grey mop of a hairdo.
“Jesus Christ, Reg, look at you.”, I quickly responded and then inquisitively asked, “Are you wearing my fucking ex-wife’s skin for trousers?”
“Uh, maybe, sonny, maybe! I have something for you!” I always hated when he repeated himself. Schizophrenic asshole.
“Okay, okay, what the fuck is it?”
“This.”
“What?”
“This.”
Reggie started straining and wiggling around like a senile man with Parkinson’s trying to recreate the jitterbug of yesteryear. He forcefully spat the former beef battering ram out of his mouth. It hit the rusting hood of my Firebird with a sound that could only be described as “fuck”. The testicles had a much less favourable fate as they exploded from the extreme pressure that Reg’s hands were now applying. Testicle blood everywhere. It reminded me of last year’s ill-fated Christmas party. I still limp from that.
“Reggie, what the fuck are you doing?”
“This.”
At that very second, Reginald Franklin’s sixty year old bowls exploded as they shot volatile excrement out of Reg’s worn butthole at an alarming rate. The skin trousers that I perceived to be made from my ex-wife’s hide were now filling up with snot coloured diarrhoea.
I couldn’t help myself.
I dropped trough and started masturbating furiously. He really had something for me. Something I could use. Not since Vietnam had this kind of urge come over me… And we all know how Vietnam turned out. It was only a minute before I felt a primal orgasm comparable to Thor Himself’s stirring in my loins. I half-sprinted half-hobbled to the side of the road and grabbed the first face I could and stuffed my busting rod in as far as I could.
My whole body shuddered as I sent litre upon litre of semen coated maggots into the stomach of who I now realised was a nun.
I promptly returned to my car and drove home to my loving wife and kids. Then the universe imploded.
Then I came again.
What the fuck did I just write?
3 Responses to “A general update of sorts”
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June 10th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Thanks, pete.
June 10th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
If Prosperity is even 1/10th as good as this, it’ll be a hit. Nothing makes good copy like a penis-filled mouth.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I’ve been scared to comment this whole time.